Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
