Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
