he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
