the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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