1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
