You can't motorboat a personality
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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