You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
