i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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