Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
