I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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