So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
