I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
