i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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