He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
