Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
