The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
