I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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