What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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