ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
