It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
