So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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