Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
