Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
my poor anus
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
