You work out of a Hotel?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize