That's when you crack a 10am beer
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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