im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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