Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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