dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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