i permit you to call me
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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