I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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