Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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