And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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