WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
