Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
God gave him joint rollers for hands
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
