I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
