Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
