I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
