took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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