I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize