so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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