WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
