God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
