My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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