This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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