He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
