You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I need to sanitize my soul.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
