Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Text me some of your sweat
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
