i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
