I CAN MOONWALK!
he shaved USA in his pubs
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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