That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize
