Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
