Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
