I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize