Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Randomize
