just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
