It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize