Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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