but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We left the knife in your bed.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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