Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
