haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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