her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I understand Curling. That high.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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