Pants 0. Shit 1.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
