Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
