I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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