I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
