i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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