Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
