i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
