I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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