Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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