i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
