I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
