It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
