I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
