I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
