eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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