If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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