ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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