Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
